The Paradox of People Pleasing – Amanda Weber | No Schedule Man Podcast, Ep. 48
Amanda Weber is affectionately known as a Happiness Coach and recovering people pleaser. She helps people discover their happiest, healthiest and most successful version of themselves amid the often chaotic nature of life. Through one-on-one coaching, group workshops and speaking, and through her blog and podcast called “The Full Life,” Amanda helps bring clarity, perspective and what she calls the full life to those with whom she interacts.
Amanda knows from experience what it’s like to arrive at a certain point in your life stressed out, unhappy, and waking up at three in the morning feeling like there must be something more to life. An inherent people-pleaser, Amanda had to embark upon a journey of self-discovery, which she sometimes had to do against her initial instincts, in order to find peace of mind and joy for herself. She tells that story with remarkable clarity and honesty in this conversation.
It’s that moment where you realize that things have just gotten so out of balance that you realize you have to do something. You can’t do the ‘suck it up’ any longer because it’s not going to get you out of this scenario.
– Amanda Weber
I know all kinds of people whose default operating system is set to pleasing people. And there is a certain level of that which is noble and helpful, especially in a world where so many bring an air of entitlement and expectation of instant gratification. What ends up happening is that those who are only too willing to pass the buck, leave message for the people pleasers to clean up. When that happens, the Pleasers engage in that, trying to be good but to their own detriment. You can only take 100% responsibility for your experience. Taking more than that is enabling others and throwing yourself out of integrity and Alignment. Taking less of course is being a victim. And while the pleasers don’t completely realize it, by overdoing it, they are both throwing themselves out of integrity and enabling the behavior of the others.This is not an easy thing to overcome. But as evidenced by Amanda’s experience, it can be overcome.
I didn’t realize that my reactivity was a result of me giving everybody else what I needed to be giving myself. And that was some love, some self care, some honouring.
– Amanda Weber
Some of the key points I took from my time with Amanda include:
- Take care of yourself so you can take care of others – Listen for her story of how she recognized that by depleting herself, it was affecting her kids, and how she describes her “3 a.m. promise” to stop being reactive them.
- Life Gets Away – This happens to a lot of us without us realizing it. It certainly happened to me. If you don’t stop to consider where you’re going and why, life will carry you along on its own … and it won’t always take you to where you’d like to go. As Amanda says, “I think life kind of got away on me … I got that first job, and it led to the second, and it led to the third, and the more that I people-pleased and got stuff done, the more the next-best opportunity would come. And so I think life kind of took me somewhere versus me deciding where I would go, and I’m not sure it lines up at all with that little person that I started out as.” Sound familiar? Yeah, it does for me, too.
- Recognizing Adversity as Opportunity – Her story of being grateful to her husband for leaving is powerful.
That’s really what I noticed: was, ‘Hey – isn’t somebody going to do something to fix me? Oh, they’re not? Oh. Ohhh. This is my journey. Ugh. I’m not sure I wanted this.’
– Amanda Weber
Podcast Episode Links:
Connect with Amanda Weber
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Comments: Are You A People-Pleaser?
Do you need to learn how to take better care of yourself, like Amanda did? Have you ever had that “3 a.m. meeting” with yourself, thinking it was time for your life to change?
Please add your thoughts to the Comments Section, below.